January 2, 2012

PBS announced this week that it wants to be more like HBO, so look forward to an episode of Sesame Street that’s just Ernie doing drugs and crying while a Steve Earle song plays.

July 26, 2010

The Boston Police Department has launched an ice cream truck, which will deliver free Hoodsie cups to children. Because what better use of police time and money could there be than teaching kids to accept treats from strangers in trucks?

July 23, 2010

Obama’s visit to Maine’s Mount Desert Ice Cream shop, which uses a fist holding a spoon as its motto, has caused controversy among conservative bloggers, with one suggesting that the purpose of Obama’s visit was to “send a message to his core radical base.” Because radical black power movements are what it means to be from Maine.

July 22, 2010

A US District Judge ruled yesterday that cheerleading is not a sport. Oh, so now you’re trying to tell me Bring It On was all a lie?

February 3, 2010

New York City bartenders are shying away from using raw eggs in cocktails after a recent Health Department crackdown. This really puts a damper on my favorite drink, the Salmonellatini.

February 2, 2010

Some evangelical churches are now embracing mixed martial arts as a way to reach new followers. Because what better way to promote your anti-gay religion than through greased-up shirtless men rolling around together?

February 1, 2010

In a presidential first, Barack Obama will field questions from YouTube users today. Staffers are currently prepping the President for how to handle tough questions like “lol man u gay lollllll.”

January 30, 2010

Experts say that the discord in Washington means that an overhaul of the nation’s major education law is unlikely this year. They will, however, manage to rename it “Hopefully Not Too Many Children Left Behind.”

January 28, 2010

In his State of the Union speech last night, Obama urged his fellow Democrats not to “run for the hills.” Looks like he’s replaced his “yes, we can” chant from the elections with “please don’t leave.”

January 27, 2010

Target announced yesterday that its stores would stop selling farmed salmon. Instead, the brand will introduce a variety of low-quality “capsule salmons” from well-known purveyors.